76-year-old mom mocks her daughter for having short patchy hair after having cancer, 8-year-old grandson comes to his mom's defense: '[Mom said] I looked like a boy and last she checked she gave birth to a girl'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 28, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Moms are often their daughter's biggest hater. You would think that your mom saying, "Aren't you a little big to be wearing that dress?" would only last through your teenage years, but some moms are generational haters of any and everything their daughters do. I don't have a clear answer as to why they do this. Maybe they see their daughters as extensions of themselves, and because they are cruel and critical towards themselves, they do the same thing to their mini-me. Perhaps they think their daughters need to be better than they ever were, pushing them in a Madame Rose-esque fashion, even when it's inappropriate. If you are the daughter on the receiving end of this hate or are still recovering from your mom being your biggest hater when you were a kid, you have my deepest sympathies. Nobody deserves that from the person who's supposed to be their #1 cheerleader. 

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  • The mom in this story is way crueler than your average mom. She is incredibly indignant about her daughter having short, patchy hair after having survived cancer and has mocked her repeatedly for it. This time, the elder mother did so in front of her daughter's 8-year-old son, and the boy took a stand against his cruel grandmother. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10473981184
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my mother if she brings up my hair again, I will go NC with her.

    Quick background: I (42f) was on chemo about two years ago and most of my hair fell out. My hair is growing back, but it's patchy, so I tend to wear wigs when out in public. I've been keeping my hair very short until it completely fills in, which my doctor says may or may not happen.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 03
    My mom (76f) started making these comments about six months after all of my hair fell out that I looked like a boy and last she checked she gave birth to a girl. At first, I ignored it, but then she started making the comment at just about every family and church function to the
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 04
    point other people even started to comment that she's being mean and downright r_de. I did let it go a lot, even defending her to family that she's coping with me being on chemo and all that entails, and this is just how she's doing it.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 05
    A couple nights ago, my mom came over to visit. I didn't have the wig on because I don't wear it when I'm home. My son (8m) made a comment to my mom about the green wig my husband (44m) bought me and how he thought it was so cool I could just change my hair color overnight. My mom looked right at me and
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 06
    said, "You look like a boy, I remember giving birth to a girl." My son just stared at my mom. I don't know if she's ever made the comment in front of him before. I was frustrated and fed up with other things that happened that day and just snapped. I told my mom she needed to leave.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
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    Cheezburger Image 10473991424
    via Nickolas Nikolic

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My mom got really upset and started insisting that it's just harmless teasing. My son said something about his mom not being a boy and Nana being rade, but I don't remember all of it. I just asked her to leave again. She did pick up her things, but she kept defending herself,
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 09
    calling me childish and saying that the chemo has made me too sensitive about my hair. I snapped at her that if she brought up my hair one more time, I would go completely no contact with her and she would not be allowed to see my son.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
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    Cheezburger Image 10473991680
    via Jeremiah Lawrence

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    My son told my husband about it when he got home, but my husband already knew about it. My mom had sent him a bunch of texts claiming I was ride to her, my son was ride to her, I was being petty and childish, I don't love her, and it was all just harmless teasing. My husband told her she owed me an apology and she's not allowed over again until she gives me one.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
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    I guess where I'm doubting myself a little is that she called my brother about it and he's defending her saying she didn't handle me being on chemo well and she thought I was going to di . She did help a lot with my son when I was too tired to
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
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    function much less care for a young child and my husband had to work because of the bills. It's not been an easy few years, that's for sure.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
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    Uruzdottir ΝΤΑ. Making fun of a cancer survivor for having lost their hair? What is this I don't even. Was she always a clueless b, or is she starting to suffer from dementia?
    via u/Uruzdottir
  • 15
    MsMissMom Fr!! And your own child?? She's blaming you for losing your hair, as though you chose to get cancer
    via u/MsMissMom
  • 16
    No-Consequence3985 NTA. Tell your brother he's an Your mother has been continually r de and just nasty to you. Her so called way of coping is to bu y you. That's just toxic and you deserve better.
    via u/No-Consequence3985
  • 17
    bunhilda Can we also talk about how the literal child—the 8 year old—is coping better than the full grown adult? He thinks his mom's hair is cool.
    via u/bunhilda
  • 18
    tsg79nj And can we also mention that her husband is a rock star for defending her? Love to see it!
    via u/tsg79nj
  • 19
    fair-strawberry6709 Remind your brother that when other families are dealing with the trial of cancer and chemo, many shave their own heads in support of their loved one instead of being a bu y. Tell your brother that if he's going to support a bu y in your lowest moment, you'll go NC with him as well!
    via u/fair-strawberry6709
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    SLiverofJade Not to mention she could have done literally anything else with her own issues other than dump them on her daughter who actually had the cancer and had to face potentially being the one to di..
    via u/SLiverofJade
  • 21
    DuckyPenny123 Does your mom have any symptoms of dementia? At her age, losing her filter might be an early sign. If she's just always been kind of ride, then put her in her place. If it's a new thing, maybe think about having her checked out because even transphobes are polite to cancer survivors.
    via u/DuckyPenny123
  • 22
    Fickle_Pirate5617 This was my gut reaction too. The social filter is slipping. She's repeating herself despite people around her letting her know it's unkind and unacceptable. That to me feels like something more.
    via u/Fickle_Pirate5617
  • 23
    Op you are NTA, not at all. If your mum has always had an...edge... to her and this fits then, yeah, some cast iron boundaries are needed. However, don't completely dismiss that this might be the beginning of something your mum might have little control over.
    via u/Fickle_Pirate5617
  • 24
    Cirdon_MSP ΝΤΑ The person delivering the teasing does not get to determine if that teasing is harmless. That is the sole purview of the peraon.being teased. Your mother is an a h le. Your brother is an a h le for enabling her.
    via u/Cirdon_MSP
  • 25
    Pleasant-Mountain502 Came here to say get her checked out for cognitive decline. My mom (RIP) would fixate on one subject and bring it up daily. For her, she'd ask if I was taking a vacation this year. No, I am not going anywhere for vacation ($$$). She would also ask if my son was a junior in high school. Well, he barely graduated in 2020 and in a big way FAFO. She would find (not intentionally) sore subjects for me and bring them every day. Another thing with cognitive decline is that they los
    via u/Pleasant-Mountain502
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    jensmith20055002 ΝΤΑ Is her ch&rch very anti tr@ns? Is this some weird deep seated fear? Either way NC is a reasonable threat.
    via u/jensmith20055002
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    Edit: Yikes, I did not expect this to blow up. I will clarify a few things that people have asked. The first is that, as far as we know, my mom does not have any sort of cognitive decline like dementia. My brother did actually insist she see a doctor about a year ago and be given a memory and cognition test, and the doctor told my brother everything was fine. So, unless something major
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 28
    happened in the past few months (not out of the realm of possibility, although unlikely), this is just how she is. The second is that she has always hyper focused on things about me that I found hurtful. I didn't get married young enough, I was too old when I had my son, I don't have enough children, I should have focused on my career instead of school, and so much
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
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    more. I actually did go several months where I didn't talk to her in my 20's and only reached back out after my dad got sick (he has since passed).
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 30
    The last is that I have been seeing the comments about my husband and son, and I agree. They are two of the most wonderful people in the entire world. My husband has put his foot down that Mom is not allowed back to the house until she has formally apologized to my son and myself, willingly becoming "the bad guy."
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 31
    My son was pretty upset about her comment and says he doesn't remember her saying it before. He was more offended that she called me a boy than anything about my hair. I've heard him brag to his friends about how I can change my hair in five. minutes and he thinks it's cool.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 32
    That was one of the ways my husband and I tried to cushion my cancer to him. We had to tell him I was sick, but we tried to make it a little better with "Mom can change her hair anytime she wants to, now." We never let him know how bad it was or that there was any chance I might not survive.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685
  • 33
    Thank you all so much for the support. I've been really beating myself up about this because it feels so silly. It's just dumb, really. I don't want my son to exposed to Mom's behavior, though, because while I don't deserve it, he definitely doesn't deserve it.
    via u/Warm-Pay1685

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hair family drama mother hair loss haircut grandma short hair reddit story cancer family reddit thread cruel daughter Reddit grandmother mom son
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